It’s been about 20 years– thus it’s about time for the outlandish Vannin’ scene to come back in. Here’s some teasers of why i like the idea:
First of all, with most cars on the streets all looking like the same Toyota Prius’– why wouldnt you wanna throw a little of this “Strawberry Jam” flavor into the mix…
Besides, the most fun with vans happen when they are parked– thus no need to worry about gas mileage. Just park ‘em by the park and enjoy some “Fun Truckin”…..
Vannin’ kind of guys never have much problems keeping their balls cool, as they always seem to be hanging out of their shorts. Notice the pre-requisite “tickler” mustache too. No wonder ladies couldn’t resist…
Do you even have to ask what he’s talking about on that CB radio? Yep– something about a “beaver hunt,” and he knows where the 10-20 is….
Vannin’ chicks are way hotter than the Paris Hilton type women of today.
And you may drink PBR in your shitbox Rat Rod, but you’d never stray from Coors in the van, man…
Do you even have to wonder why they had curtains like this ?…
San Jose has always represented through the years. You can see why this van definitely earned it’s name back in the day….
Snorting coke off of tits is a national pastime activity in the back of vans…
To celebrate the Olympics being held in Red China, Im’ going to Cuba…
Before i get into why, here’s a little history…
Back in the day, a guy named Bartista ran Cuba. The US loved him, as he was a good puppet– and US Corporations could leach away, while forgetting all taxes, laws, morals, etc they had to deal with in the US. What happened in Cuba, stayed in Cuba. Sin and party away.
Only problem was that “America’s Bitch” Bartista wasnt liked by the Cuban people. When he ran for president, the people voted him in dead last– so he just took over via coup. Then in ’54 he made sure he was the only candidate– and ran unopposed. This was considered OK democracy?
When elected, the first thing Bartista did was suspend / limit the constitution to his people. However at the same time, he opened the doors to very attractive incentives for US Corporations– so he was instantly considered a great friend of America (the poor Cuban people funded half of all corporate buildouts for casino’s, for example.)
Then came Castro, who arguably represented the will of the majority of Cubans. When he took over, the Cubans celebrated in the streets. That said, while Bartista’s first action was to kiss ass to America– one of the first things Castro did was to attempt to hold the companies liable for higher taxes, etc– he said the places the Cubans built for almost free to corporations, were really the peoples assets.
Castro wasnt a communist at first. He came to America and tried to work things out to the best interest of Cuba and it’s people (isnt that what a president is supposed to do.) America was pissed that he didnt cave in to the same *free lunch* offerings of before and shunned him (when he came here, Eisenhower refused to meet with him.)
Shunned by America, Castro formed a friendship with the USSR…. Communism ensued. America was offended. Cuba was shunned. Cuba lives on.
LESSON IN A NUTSHELL: As long as you kiss ass to the will of American Corporate Profit, you’re ok. If you don’t cooperate, you will be shunned. Thus, Cuba is our enemy. Yet……. China is our friend.
- China commits more human rights violations in a year, than Cuba ever can dream of. So, why is Cuba an enemy and China a friend?
- China is a superpower risk to America, yet Cuba is weak.
- China is communist, as is Cuba.
- China violates about every moral we say we believe in via America. Discrimination. Anti-Environmentalism. Anti-Democracy. Human torture / slayings. Religious Discrimination. Need i go on?
FUCK CHINA and FUCK THE BEJING OLYMPICS.
When the Olympics are going on, i’ll be sipping a daquiri– where daquiri’s were invented, in Cuba. The beauty, great service, old values, and people of Cuba are supposed to be wonderful and i look forward to visiting.
NOTE TO US GOVERNMENT: Don’t worry, im just joking and this is fiction. I’ll really be in Mexico and stuff at that time. Please focus your resources on our continued mission of selling the country out to places like China, instead of trying to bust me for visiting Cuba.
In the mean time, heres some great pics of Cuba I found looking around flickr:
Here’s some old drag racing footage of the 1963 Nationals at “The Big Go,” that i digitized fo’ you’ ass…
Made it back from our road trip to Austin, TX for the Lonestar Roundup and Las Vegas for Viva Las Vegas. Will maybe post some stories when i get a sec.
Currently in VA sitting in an “Executive Terminal” of Dulles Airport. We’re going on a state jet to check things out (VA wants us to do business here.) No security lines in this terminal– it’s totally Lifestyles of the Fat and Bloated going on here….